Hüzün
by KeepsAwayTheNargles
Summary: A suicide note that Victoire left for Teddy - "The blame is always on me for the way I am; for the way I think. It was my fault to think you were so perfect and maybe I could have found just one - one person out of six billion that could accept me. The thing is, I didn't do what you did to me. I accepted all things about you, seriously, every single one"


AN: Hey guys! :) Just a quick notice but I wrote this for The Star Challenge by acciomemories, Oh The Thinks You Can Think Competition by TheNextFolchart, and The Star Light Star bright Challenge by Umbrella-ella!

This story was beta'd by the most wonderful WinterViolets so go thank her for me :D

Two definitions you will need to understand before reading,

The title for the story Hüzün - Means, a melancholy resulting from inadequacy or failure and weighing so heavily that it becomes communal, resigned, and even curiously poetic.

And Lethe - A river in the Greek underworld that, when drunk from, made souls forget the sufferings of life; oblivion or something to make you enter oblivion and forget.

* * *

Dear Teddy,

Everyday people stare at me with judgment, everywhere I go. I don't think you know how it feels. People stare at you? Yeah, well, who cares? You look just as normal as everyone else, you don't have a condition or a deformity that effects your outward appearance, you are just normal.

I'm not, I wasn't normal from the day I was born and I feel like an animal at the zoo; people come in and stare at you, they tap the glass and disturb you. People stare at me all the time, and even sometimes they may take action and speak up. Words are never merciful and the tongue can unleash a wound deeper and more painful than if you had just impiriused and brutally torture me.

The latter can be repaired and you can eventually recover, but that one thing you said is burned into my memory, I can't forget. That wound will never go away.

I feel too different from the world to be able to participate in things that normal people do, I feel like no one wants me. No one thinks I'm a pleasure to be around and most certainly no one even thinks for one second they could love me, and touch me. You of all people. I began to think we had a good thing, but not anymore and I must confess it's the worst and it has stripped me of all emotion, but worthless.

I am gross and unnatural; I get mocked for being the very core of who I am. Everyone says 'be yourself, be yourself and no one else' all the time, but I get yelled at for who I am. You haunt me for every little thing I do, if I speak up I do so with a fear in my heart that what I'm going to say is triggering more hate upon myself. If the freak voices her opinions, then she can't be accepted. I'm already not accepted but at least people pretend.

I'm pretty, but no one thinks about the price for outward appearance. The veela blood that runs through my bloodstream like gold is something most girls would kill for. They don't understand that the only thing it gets you is people gawking at you like your sole purpose is entertaining the public. My life has to be perfect and nothing less, because beautiful people don't suffer right? That couldn't be more wrong.

I wish I could pick up a hobby or something, but anywhere I go fakers follow me. The other day I took my papa's muggle HD camera out and tried to pick up photography, but guys kept approaching me and asking if I needed a male subject. If I say no, other girls will look at me with contempt because I didn't take the so-called amazing opportunity. They'll call me names like 'Prude' and 'Killjoy', but if I say yes, all of a sudden I'm a great big bitch and a threat to all of womankind. I don't understand. I just want a mutual loving relationship that isn't unequal because of looks. Appearance should mean nothing, nothing at all. But to me, it means a great deal and I know for a fact that to other people it matters a great deal. What we need in this world, Teddy, are more people who love what's inside.

I think I'm a great person, actually, a nice friend and daughter. I don't argue too much, which is why I'm sending you this letter. I can sing fairly well and I love photography now. I take care of my siblings like I'm the mum, so don't fucking go near them. I love who I am really, but no one else does …. no one else does.

So this is my goodbye. I love you so much Teddy, with everything I have. You're the only person that makes me smile, how could I leave that behind? I can't go on with you thinking the same things everyone else does. When you told me that you were sick and tired of my depressing ways, you stuck out my arm and shouted that my scars were uglier than my face. I cannot forgive that, ever.

You see, I trusted you with my weakness, because when I first met you I thought you were calm and comforting like the beach personified. Sunny and easy going, and strong enough to pull me through the storm; you were my rainbow Teddy. You used my weakness against me in a way that is irreparable and now I know you don't want that. Your true colors were shown and I just thought you were different, but I know now that I was stupid.

The blame is always on me for the way I am; for the way I think. It was my fault to think you were so perfect and maybe I could have found just one - one person out of six billion that could accept me. The thing is, I didn't do what you did to me. I accepted all things about you; seriously, every single one, and I knew that was where the unequal balance in our relationship lay. I knew that if someone was going to get hurt more, it was me. I knew.

I still think you are perfect and don't deserve someone like me, so in order to take away both of our pain, I can die. Die because hardship in life is unfair, die because you can move on if need be, die because no one likes me. It seems so petty but no one can know how deep it cuts.

I love you Teddy, but I'm drinking from the Lethe.


End file.
